Crimson Clover

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks about what’s important to me. I’ve had a lot of time to think at work because the three main guys talk in French all day. I can’t understand so it’s like I’m alone with my thoughts all day, and I have so many thoughts. It’s a shame because one of the biggest parts of being in the kitchen for me is listening to the other cooks talk about food, food ideas and inspirations, new places and techniques. Cooking is long hours, at least 12 hours a day. I walk home or go for a beer after work to talk with friends and the next thing you know its 2am. I barely have time to shower and eat. I sleep and leave my house by 11:30am to be at work by 12:30pm. It goes on until my beloved day off when I try and do all the things that I’ve always wanted to do, plus laundry and cleaning. I’ve been hearing about regular girls my age who are serving 3 or 4 days a week doing 6 hour shifts and making more than enough to live comfortably. They have such balanced lives and time to do the things they love. I love cooking but I’ve had so many inspirations and ideas and tests I’ve wanted to do, but I’m too busy at work to do my own side tests. The guys aren’t open to my ideas, and it makes me feel further away from the team when I’m doing stuff they don’t approve of. Part of them not being open to my ideas is because of my inexperience which is understandable. But I still want to be free to do my tests.

I wish I had time to write, garden, volunteer at the UBC farm, do some secret dinners, go to the markets, eat what I want, forage, go to yoga and dance, read books and magazines, and write menus. These things are important to me. I’m going to design my own place so that I get what I need out of life. Until then I can’t help but thinking life is short and this summer is going to be beautiful and I want to play with the other girls. I want to be around people I can relate to socially.

On my day off I went to volunteer at the UBC Farm it was good to be there. I know I’m late to the game but I’ve just started to appreciate Hepburn’s inner beauty and this quote has been keeping me in check through hard times.

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness, For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people, For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry, For Beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day, For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”
— Audrey Hepburn