No ego, stay conscious

Back then, I was excited to be in the kitchen because I didn’t belong there. I hadn’t gone to school and I never cooked at home, but I wanted to be a cook. I wanted to be a cook because cooking is a valuable life skill, up there with knowing how to build a shelter and grow a garden. To me being a cook was glamourous and rock star, everything was new to me. I met so many interesting people. I was learning so much and working and playing harder than I ever had before. It was real life Kitchen Confidential. It can’t stay the same forever, I started to feel stagnant, and I realized that I need to step gracefully forward.

I was a waitress, a model, a dancer, but not a cook. When I was a server I would watch the owner of the restaurant and think about how sweet his job was, it taught me that I wanted to have my own restaurant someday. I felt that all the power of a restaurant comes from the kitchen, so that is where I decided to start. Once I was in my first kitchen I loved it so much and I realized that there is an infinite amount to learn. I started leaning towards becoming a chef. Over the last four years I ignored the other parts of myself and focused only on becoming a cook.

I’ve realized that I’ve grown a lot the last four years but I need to stay focused on my original goal. My goal has always been to be a restauranteur. To design a place for me, that fits my life. I’m not a cook, I’m a restauranteur, I’m a girl and I’m not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to become a “chef”. I’ll be a cook on my own terms. I need to nurture the forgotten sides of myself. My goal is a humble one, a small place of my own in Saskatoon. I’ve always followed chefs that have the highest standards, I think that once you have those standards in place, beaten into you, you can go into the world to test your creativity. Everyone does this in their own time, it doesn’t need to take years.

Since I quit my job, my creativity and inspiration have been keeping me busy. My mind is flooded with ideas about design, business, menus, food, and music. I’m finding the joy in cooking again, connecting it with all these other ideas seeing the goal as a whole. I’m honing the skills that I’ve learned over the years. If I seemed distracted while blanching those fries it’s because my eyes, ears and mind were open to everything that was going on in the restaurant around me.